"Joe, you coming down the boozer? I got you a pint and a treble whisky in guv"
Those were the words that Genial George said to me at midday today, he phoned me up just after I`d finished my breakfast of 12 slices of toast with butter and honey, washed down with 10 Stellas.
"Yeah, give me 5 mins Genial George, I`ll be there mate" I replied and hung up.
I got changed into my black business suit, trilby hat, alligator shoes and red cravat.
I told her indoors to tidy the house up and cut the lawns and I left the house.
A minute later I was walking into the Carpenters Arms.
Genial George was standing at the bar puffing on a big cigar, he was with his friend Fred the Fist, also standing at the bar were 3 geezers I know called Tom the Turk, Henry the Hustler and Red Rick.
"Eeeeeeee, awight boys" I shouted across the pub.
"Oi oi savaloy, awight Joe my old mate" they shouted.
I shook hands, downed my pint in one gulp and ordered 15 more for us lads.
An hour later, and 115 empty pint glasses later we were ready to rumble.
"Whos up for a fight?" I said
"Yeah good one Joe, lets go to that posh pub near the river, we`ll fight anyone in there" Genial George said.
I looked at the lads and they all nodded, we bid the Landlord goodbye and walked out the boozer.
5 minutes later we all walked into the Robins Nest pub on the river.
Its always full of City boys, their wallets stuffed full of big bonuses, all with a young dolly bird on their arm.
This fight was going to be good.
We all ordered 4 pints each and sat by the fruit machine.
I looked over Red Ricks shoulder and saw 10 blond haired city types sitting eating tapas.
"Over behind you Rick, we`ll have them Slags" I said
I gave the sign and all 5 of us got up at the same time, I approached the city boys and said "Oi you lot, what you looking at?"
One of them piped up "Oh, nothing"
Genial George said "You bleedin` were Pal, you were lookin` at us, you want some do ya?"
They all turned white, fear had drained their blood, another one of them said "We don`t want no trouble"
I laughed and said "Too late, much too late"
Henry the Hustler grabbed one and slammed his head against the table, the other 9 city boys all looked shocked.
I upturned the table and pulled hard on one of the city boys ponytail, "Come here you Nonce" I growled, he struggled weakly until I rabbit punched him knocking him out cold.
The other 8 were now trying to scram, I punched one flush in the jaw, he went down like a sack of spuds.
Genial George then grabbed 2, and banged their heads together. They groaned and collapsed unconscious.
Out of the corner of my eye I could see the Landlord reaching for the phone, I looked at him and said "No phoning Filth, otherwise we burn your pub down Pal"
He stopped in his tracks and put his hands up..
I turned around and only one city boy was standing, he squeaked "take my money, please don`t hurt me, I have £30K in my wallet look"
He held up his wallet, it was stuffed with £50 notes, I grabbed it and put it in my pocket.
"Ok, you`re coming with us" I said.
Genial George scruffed him and frogmarched him outside.
"Ok George, put him in the drink"
The city boy started screaming, "I can`t swim, I can`t swim"
"Oh well" I said "George, dunk him"
Genial George threw him in the river, the city boy gasped for air then went under, the bubbles came up, 2 minutes later the river was calm again.
"Haha, what a great place lads" I said, "We will come back again another day"...
